Ten Things Thursday

I love Ten Things Thursday, however, this is only my second time actually participating. Here it goes.........

1. I am so so excited about finally getting my band. I am currently wieghing in at 240 (give or take a few pounds. I have been hiding from the scale. I have a weight loss goal of getting down to 175 and reevaluating from there. I can't remember the last time I have been below 200 pounds.
2. My husband's 20 year high school reunion is at the end of June in Erie, PA. I plan to look smoking hot!!!!!! I wonder how much I can lose by then if I put my mind to it? Please plan on helping me decide on an almost indecent dress to wear to this occasion in the not too distant future.
3. My sister's out.....nuff said.
4. I am going to visit my mom at her treatment center on Sunday.
5. My husband and I are silent arguing. I really really hate that. He gets all moody and refuses to say why. I am sure it has to do with helping out my sister. I know I am going to have to do something naughty to make it up to him.
6. I have an interview at my old job (the one that laid me off) next week. I am not really sure if I want to go back I really miss the free parking and onsite gym, but I am going to give it my best at the interview and see what happens. I am hoping to come back with my same salary (my sources say this is likely) and if so, I will be able to enroll my daughter in the awesome day care there. Can you tell that there is a lot on the line with this? I am trying to be cool about it though.
7. I have been cutting down my carbs. I am still a long way from cutting them out, but I have been feeling nauseous lately and low-carb eating seems to be the only thing working to make me feel better.
8. My surgeon does not require a pre-op diet. I am looking for suggestions on making up my own. I have a great fear of them attempting surgery and me waking up in recovery unbanded because my liver was ginormous.
9. If you are following my blog and I am not following yours, please leave your blog address in the comments so I can hit you up :o)
10. It's almost my lunch time and I cannot wait to tear into my shish kabobs and salad.

Have a happy Thursday!!!!!

Awww Shucks!

Y'all are the bestest!
Thank you so much for all of your support from my last post. I appreciate it very very much.

                                                        

I spoke with my mom last night. She is doing OK. She told me that there was a 9 year old little girl in the treatment center with her. I cannot fathom what that little girl must be going through. I hate to hear about children suffering. I am not sure how common eating disorders are in young children, but I know that my mother's case is not the norm. This is her 3rd treatment center in 1 1/2 years and she is by far, always the oldest at 53.  What baffles me is how well people who suffer from eating disorders are able to hide it, especially if you are not a walking skeleton.

My mother has been suffering from bulemia and anorexia on and off for over 20 years. However, the last 2 years have been the worst. She is a diabetic and also has COPD. When she doesn't eat she is unable to effectively control her sugar and this leads to her passing out. This was happening very often about two years ago. She was severely depressed and my sisters were treating her like crap. At that time her struggle was very evident. This time however, I feel like it crept up on me. I thought all was well, but it wasn't. My mom doesn't look starved and I thought she was taking care of herself. It is hard for me to comprehend why this keeps being an issue for her, but I will continue to stand by her.

When she told me last week that she needed help, I immediately felt as if she had let me down. I didn't tell her this, and I later beat myself up about being so selfish. Now I am thankful that she told me before something happened while she was alone with my daughter. I don't know when she will be coming home, but I am going to visit her this weekend. I hate that she can suffer alone and no one is the wiser. I hope she gets better. Please keep her in your thoughs and prayers.

In other news, I came to work with my shirt inside out today. The crazy thing is, when I checked myself out in the mirror this morning, I thought I looked pretty cute, hahaha.

Take care!

I Have A Date!!!!!

...... For my surgery!!!!

I am so excited :o) I have not blogged in a little while because things have been very bad lately and I did not want to keep writing depressing blogs.
I got a call from the WL Clinic this morning advising that my insurance company finally approved me for surgery and my date is April 26th! I will also have to have an EGD on April 18th. I am so excited that I have butterflies, lol!

Now that I have shared my good news, I will also share a little of what is going on in Reggie Land. My mother who takes care of my 16 month old daughter during the day told me last Tuesday that she and her therapist felt that she needed to go back into treatment for her eating disorder. I was caught completely off guard. We shared meals all the time. She said that that was the only time she would eat all day and that she didn't want to put my daughter in danger because of her problems. I asked when she would be going and she thought it would be in a week or so. It ended up being TWO days later! My husband took off Thursday and I took off Friday to be home with her until we found suitable childcare. My mom was pretty upset and felt that she had let us down, but I told her that she needed to get herself together because Charli would be missing her. She even recommended a my sister's friend to take care of my daughter until she got better, but that was not an option. My sister's and their friends are......UNSAVORY to put it nicely.

Speaking of my sisters, the middle one called me at 2:30 Sunday morning to tell me that she had been arrested and needed bail money! If you knew my sister this would not come as a surprise at all. While I would normally have no problem leaving her there, she is a single mom with two kids and also has custody of my other sister's daughter, so I spent all day yesterday and some of today trying to scrounge up some bail money. My husband is SO MAD about the whole situation right now. I can't even blame him :o( We have not said anything to my mother. The last thing she need to hear while she is in rehab is that her daughter is in jail. OK, I am done talking about my sister. My butterflies are turning to lead bricks.

My Aunt has agreed to watch my daughter Monday-Thursday. She loves her and my mom would take her over often during the day. I hope that it works out until I am able to afford daycare. I can't believe that we are in this situation. I feel like I did everything I was supposed to. I planned my pregnancy and was on a wait list for a great daycare. Then I got laid-off and now my and the hub's income is dramatically less and we are unable to afford the crazy daycare prices. I will keep on keeping on until things turn around.



Thanks for listening

BYOC

Thank you all for the comments on my last post. You are the greatest [hugs].

This is my first attempt at a BYOC. Thank you Draz! I will work on adding your button next time ;o)

1.       How do you feel about college? If you have kids or siblings - will you encourage or require them to go? How long did you go and what for?

I am the first in my family to ever finish college. One year after getting my Master’s I was laid off. I would like my daughter to go to college, but if she doesn’t, I will try to be OK with that. My undergraduate was in Human Development, but I ended up working in the finance industry. My Master’s is in Business Ethics. I am going back for a certificate in Computer Information Systems this summer. I don’t think I would be going back had it not been for the economic downturn, but my mish-mash of degrees doesn’t really link up with my professional experience, so I am trying to make myself more marketable. My career plan after getting my Master’s was doing something in organizational development, but when the crap hit the fan, professional and organizational development was the first things businesses cut to save money.

2. Pink or purple? Coke or Pepsi? Pen or pencil? Cursive or printing? Ketchup or mustard?

Pink & purple
Pepsi I guess, but nothing is better than water.
Pens of all colors please
Cursive and printing – Like Draz, I mix it up. Even in the same sentence
Ketchup

3. If you could live in any generation - which one would it be?

Right now! I need and want all of today’s advances and comforts. I like the fashions of the past, but I would not choose to go back to a time when I had to worry about the color of my skin. The 80’s or 90’s would be cool, but I still prefer the here and now.
4. What do you sleep in?

I usually sleep in a tank top and underwear.

5. Repeat question - summarize your week!

My week started of pretty crappy, but it improved. I am so excited for the weekend. PLEASE let us keep this awesome weather.

I've got the blues

I am trying really hard not to have a bad week. The weather is gorgeous and I should be enjoying every moment of it. Instead, I am moping. I have been arguing with my husband, worried about my bad doctor appointment, and stressed about finances. I really need a vacation or something.
I saw my PCP on Monday to renew my blood pressure prescription. I had been out for a while, but my levels were normal for months (checked monthly for the Band).  I was floored to see it read 184/104. I knew that I wasn't feeling 'right' but I had no idea it was SO high. It scared me. I have been put on a new medication and have been making efforts to make heart healthy choices. I am only a couple of days into getting it together.  My husband was still giving me the silent treatment on Monday, so I did not tell him about it right away. He is a firefighter/EMT so he understands the seriousness of my HPB, but I didn't need the lecture at the moment. I did end up talking to him about it and it successfully ended the silent treatment, but we never talked about what had us mad at each other.
I told my PCP about my intent to get Banded and she was on board. With having a PPO plan I never even went to her to discuss it, I just went straight to the clinic for the consultation and started doing whatever was required. I am hoping that my HBP goes back down without the Band because who knows when that is going to happen. This waiting game really sucks. Monday 3/19 will make 6 weeks of waiting. I will be calling again on Monday for an update. I am sure they will tell me to keep waiting.

Before I forget, I wanted to say thank you for all the positivity and encouragement. It really makes my day.

Disappointed

I was so looking forward to the WLS support group meeting tonight. I went home threw some dinner together and made it to the hospital just in time for the 7:00 meeting. Only the meeting was at 6:00, grrrrr! The nutritionist was packing up her gear and everybody was leaving or had left. I was really in need of some bandster support tonight, and I wanted to meet Cat and see Robyn again. Oh well, I guess I have to wait until next month.

Make a List Monday

I am participating in my first Make a List Monday, courtesy of Robyn. This week’s edition of Make a List Monday will focus on things you are most grateful for.
                                                     

1.  Having a healthy daughter. I had a difficult labor (aren't they all) and my daughter suffered nerve damage to her shoulder while they were trying to pull her out. She was completely unable to move her left arm. I am very thankful that this healed after a few months and she has no sign of that disability.
2. My husband. We have been together for almost 9 years (married almost 4) and he is the best husband and father to our child I could have ever asked for. 
3. Having a job. I was laid off from my job of 6 years just one day before I had my daughter. I was able to stay home 10 months with her, but I suffered from some pretty bad PPD because I was embarrassed of my situation (a whole 'nother post.) My new job is not ideal and quite a pay cut, but I am thankful for it.
4. My husband having a job. The day we came home from the hospital my husband had received a lay off notice in the mail. He is a firefighter in the city we live in and we knew that it may be coming, but we were hoping that he would be safe. It was a horrible moment to have both of us facing unemployment with a newborn and no insurance. Thankfully, the decision to lay off the firefighters was overturned and he kept his job.
5. My mother. I have posted before about my mother having issues physically and mentally. She has come a very long way in the past year. She cares for my daughter during the day at our home and I was very nervous in the beginning. My husband would even make surprise visits just to make sure all was well. I am very thankful that my daughter is being cared for by someone who loves her. Also, my mother's health is to be improving drastically.
6. The struggle of those before me. I am thankful for the freedoms I have today. I never want to take for granted what I can do and have today that those before me had to fight for because of their race, sex, or religion.
7. My friends. While we don't always see eye to eye, I am glad that they have my back.
8. Medical advancements. Man I am so glad that someone came up with the Lap-Band. I can't wait to be banded and I am so glad that this is even an option for those struggling with weight.
9. Birth Control.  I really really like nookie and I don't want to worry about having a baby every time I get busy with my husband. I believe it should be covered by insurance and Rush can suck it!
10. Blogging. I am thankful to have a community to listen to my struggle without thinking I am so whiney and or ungrateful. I am not perfect,  and I have things I need to get off my chest. So, thank you all for listening.

Thank you for reading
xoxoxoxo

Itty Bitty Tittie Committee

All this talk about BOOBS makes me wonder about my own. Specifically how they will change. I've read a lot of posts regarding changes in this particular area and the changing of your body shape as you lose significant amounts of weight.
I am one of those big girls with little boobs. I wear one of the smallest sizes in LB.... 40B. I hate hate hate it. Not so much my boobs, but the way it makes my clothes fit. I can't wear alot of blouses that wrap or dresses that have boob areas because it always looks deflated. I recently gave a beautiful dress to a friend of mine that I had for a year because I couldn't fill out the top. I kept it thinking that my boobs would grow from breast feeding but they did not. She wore it recently and I was so jealous of the obscenity of her cleavage.....I wanted to rest my head on them. I am glad that she loved the dress, but man oh man I want some boobs too. My husband likes to tease me and say that some of my bras are false advertising. I will only wear the Plunge bras from LB, otherwise I look like 10 year old girl.
Now that I am done complaining, I want to know how your body type, shape has changed after the Band. Are you still an apple, pear, etc? I have very large hips and quite a bootie. Will I always have that? I enjoy the curve of my hips and my "ass-et" but I would like a smaller scale. I sometimes buy tall pants (I am only 5'6) because I like to believe that my hips and ass make my pants short (I probably just need a bigger size, gasp.)