10 Things Thursday....on Friday

Yeah, I know it's Friday, but I have a list of things to share with you all. Thank you Laura Belle for TTT!

1. I had my 3rd fill on Tuesday. My doctor was 1 hour and 20 minutes late, grrrr! I was so anxious to get the heck on with my day that I never asked what the fill level was. I know on the 1st fill he put in 3ccs and the 2nd fill was 1cc. I go back in 4 weeks. I only lost 5.2 pounds since the previous fill on 8/13. I am feeling like I am almost at the green zone.

2. I am a convert! I had never watched Grey's until about a month ago when I started watching the series on Nefl1x and I am HOOKED. I must say that it has been an emotional rollercoaster watching them back to back. Poor George!!!!!

3. I have not exercised as much as I should. I need to stop letting others distract me from what is important to me.

4. I started classes this week. I am getting an Associates in Computer Information Systems. I know absolutely NOTHING about computers, but it is important to me to add this to my resume to make myself more marketable. Maybe I will learn how to do some cool stuff with my blog.

5. Someone at work brought in cupcakes at work today. Delicious gourmet cupcakes from an awesome bakery here in my area. I helped myself to a mouthwatering red velvet cupcake. It was a little smaller than a normal size cupcake and I COULD NOT finish it. I let it sit on my desk for a few hours before I finally threw it away.

 

6. This brings me to all the other junk at work. I don't think I ever wrote about MnM guy.  This guy that I work with has two HUGE jars of MnMs on his desk.... one is peanut and the other is plain. Sorry that I have no picture for you, but imagine a large pickle jar filled with sweet candy coated chocolaty goodness. I try to tell myself that they have all been contaminated by the various employees visiting his desk, but the second I hear him pouring fresh ones into the jar, I have to force myself to stay in my chair so I don't grab two handfuls, stuff my face and feel ashamed the rest of the day. Sometimes I feel like I am being paid to resist this temptation. He is only 3 feet away!!!!!!

 

7. My husband's birthday was this week. He is not big into celebrating birthdays or holidays, but I am. This time I decided to keep it very low key. I didn't even make him a cake. He barely noticed.

 

8. I have been hiding 4 pairs of shoes in my car. My husband has been getting on me about how much I use the Macy's card. Damn them and their one day sale.

 

9. NSV alert! I have on my favorite pair of jeans today, but it may be the last time I am able to wear them because they are finally too big!

 

10. It's Friday!!!! Have a good weekend everyone!

 

 

 



It's a wonderful thing.....

....to finally get up and get your sweat on.

I finally did it people! I exercised and I liked it

I feel glorious! I really do. I know that the Zumba workout on Kinect is no 1ronman competition, but I did something that required me to sweat and I got some bonus points when I completed it. I am all about gold stars people. I want to keep this up. One day down and a lifetime to go.

In case your wondering, yeah, this is my first time working out since I said I do it everyday on my last post. I want to have this feeling tomorrow too. I want to have a whole blog full of sweaty pictures.

Have a good night. I hope you all enjoyed the long weekend.... if you had one.

Cracking and Stretching

You know how in the movies (or in your head) the 'writer' gears up to begin writing an epic story? I mean, they're cracking knuckles, stretching their necks, and rolling their shoulders (I know you all did just that)? Well, that's how I feel right now. Thank you Sarah G. for checking in on me. It has been since mid June that I've posted of followed blogs...... Sorry y'all. I logged in, glanced at my dashboard and one of the first blog's I see is AJ telling folks how to unfollow a blog, lol! Geez, I hope I made it back in time. All I can say is that I am happy to be back in blogland and I am ready to tell you all about what I have been up to. Man, it's so easy to fall off of here and let life pull you in another direction.

Today I am 216. That is only 22 pounds since surgery way back on May 7th. I am feeling good in my 216 pound body, but I know I could be feeling SO much better. In all the time that I have been away from my blog, I am embarassed to say that I have barely exercised and my eating (portion size and nutritional value) is just so so.

ALERT TO ALL SOON TO BE BANDSTERS 

Listen when they say that you still have to do the work!

I am not a stupid woman, I know this. My problem is that I am a slacker. Damn, I want to delete the previous sentence so bad, but I am forcing myself to be honest and it is important that I put it out there. I know all the rules but have put in almost no effort to make my band work to its fullest capacity. Feel free to begin the flogging :o( I am not calling myself a failure, or blaming my band. I am just calling a spade a spade.

I need to commit to an action plan. I have decided to come up with a challenge for myself, but first, let me tell you how my band has been doing....

Last time I blogged, at the end of June, I was going in for my first fill. I think the date was 6/26. That was about 7 weeks after banding. I was given 3ccs in my 10cc band and I weighed in at 227. Up until that first fill I was trying to keep to eating 1-1/2 cups of food and had little restriction. After that fill I lost a few and had gotten all the way down to 220.

I had my second fill on August 13th. I was back up to 224 and given 1cc. My surgeon told me he was disappointed in my progress and wanted me down 10lbs by my next appointment  on September 11th. I was feeling very good restriction for about a week and a half. I still have restriction, but it is not the same. Since the last fill I have not exercised. I have only ever had a few minor stuck episodes and I have never PBd or experienced any heartburn. I don't drink anything carbonated, and I am also able to eat everything.

I am pretty sure that is it about my band. I need to be treating it better than I have been, considering I went through a pretty damn painful surgery for it. OK...So what am I going to challenge myself to do? I am going to challenge myself to be more active. Starting tonight I am going to do at least 1/2 hour of exercise everyday. 

EVERY DAMN DAY

WooooSaaaaah.... I need some theme music to get me going. I can't think of anything better than Eye of the Tiger right now. Everybody get your Rocky on with me!!!!  I so want to be like you hardcore bandsters who sweat your asses off. I want to be 210 by my doctor appointment (213 with clothes I think) so he doesn't chalk me up to a failure.

                                                 

FYI.... I missed you guys.

I am getting a fill!!!

Thank you guys for your advice to call to get my first fill moved up. I just got off the phone and my appointment is on Tuesday! I am absolutely giddy :0)

I will keep you posted. Keep on keeping on everyone.

Ta Ta

Happy Friday

Hey everybody! I missed you :0)
I really new to work in some time for my blog. I have found blogging (reading and posting) to be therapeutic for many of us. I also know it helps keep me accountable. Last time I blogged I wrote about my struggles as a new bandster. Guess what, I am still struggling and am holding at 224.

I am not going to sweat it though. This is a process and I am going to get through it. I really feel like I am dieting right now. I can definitely eat more than 1 cup, but I try very hard not to. I usually stay within 1100-1200 calories a day, but I have found that carbs are the enemy 👿

Carbs are the cause of my weekend gains and during the week when I usually have very little carbs, I drop the weight quickly. I am so tired of this back and forth.

My first fill is not until July 3rd. That is 8 weeks after surgery! I want to call and see if it can be pushed up, but I don't want to sound desperate 😣 because I AM! Remember I just said I wasn't going to sweat it? I lied.

I have been exercising at least 4 times a week. It is usually a cardio workout and when I started I could barely get through, but now I feel much stronger. I still haven't been bitten by the exercise love bug, but I do it cuz I have to. Speaking of exercise, I have an NSV to report. I am able to fit into a sports bra that had been so small I couldn't get it on. I am not large chested but I have quite a wide back. I guess it's the little things that keep us going.

Puh-Leez send me some happy skinny thoughts. Have a great weekend everyone.

You Better Work.........

Hello All,
I know it has been a while, but remember last time I posted and I was all perfect perfect? Well, that has all gone to (bandster) hell in a handbasket.

I have been STRUGGLING!!!!!!

Ever since I could move onto soft foods and beyond I have been up and down. I do pretty well until I get to the weekend. Just call me Elsie, cuz this heifer will graze all day. The weekend of Memorial day I gained six pounds. I was able to lose it by the end of the week, but then the vicious cycle started all over again and I gained 8 pounds the following weekend.

I am ashamed.

This past weekend I got back on track and even started exercising. Guess what? I saw a new low.....221!!!!!! I am so excited to be back on track. I keep thinking of how much I could have lost had I been diligent, but no one is perfect. I just have to keep on fighting the good fight. Please wish me luck.

The new job is going well, however, I am no longer able to keep up with blogging while at work :o(
Your lives have been busy! I am trying to keep up with you, but I have not been commenting much. I am still a few days behind.

I went to my WLS support group tonight and was hoping to see Robyn, Meghan, and the ever elusive Cat. Oh well, maybe next time ladies :o) I talked to a lady considering the band and it was weird being on the other side. I also got a smidge jealous of the bypass people...... 84 pounds since March? Jesus, Mary and Joseph!!!!!!!!! I know I made the right choice for myself, but those numbers are unbelievable.

I have set a mini goal for myself. I want to be in onderland by my birthday on July 31st. That is 21 pounds in 7 weeks, or 3 pounds a week. It is doable, but I am going to have to work it harder than RuPaul.

I have also been thinking about sending my husband to his HS reunion on his own. I think we need a breather. I haven't talked to him about it yet, but I think we need a weekend free of each other. We've been snippy with each other and I need to miss him again.... does that make sense? He used to work overnights for his job, and that time apart worked wonders. I will keep you posted on what we do. The reunion is at the end of the month.

Thank you for TTT

I've been writing posts in my head for days. I must have been subconsciously waiting for TTT to share all that has been going on :o)

1. I had my follow-up appointment on Tuesday and have been upgraded to mushies....YAY!!!!! Still not cleared for exercise though (except for walking) which kind of sucks. Remember how I said I thought my surgeon was cute? Well, he was pretty flirty at the appointment. I am unsure if he was actually flirting or if that is just his personality. Robyn, maybe you can weigh in on this. It was definitely an eyebrow raiser.

2. I think I exaggerated about being in Bandster Hell. As soon as I progressed to mushie foods I began to feel absolutely fine. I still deal with a little grief when measuring out my bandster sized portion (it's hard adjusting) but I am always satisfied with my meal.... Thank you Jesus!

3. I had my first stuck episode this morning. I was eating a scrambled egg to fast while talking to my husband about the neighbors at the end of the block and BOOM! I felt like I could not breathe. By the way, I was eating this egg in the truck on the way to work. It was such a claustrophobic feeling. Ugh, it was horrible. It passed in about 30 seconds, but that was 29 seconds too long for me. Lesson learned, until next time.

4. Tomorrow is my last day at my current job. I start my new job on Tuesday.

5. I just read Tina's post about having a goal that involved shopping at particular stores. I can so totally relate. I feel like my personal style is not available at the stores where I have to shop. I am still on my self imposed shopping hiatus. I will admit that I have slipped up a few times, but I am mostly sticking to the plan. I am a shopaholic and cannot even window shop without buying something. I wonder how long I can hold out? I plan to keep my purse closed until Onderland.... that is 23 pounds away.

6. I have an exception to #5. Remember a few months ago I said my hubs 20 year high school reunion is at the end of June? This event will excuse me from my shopping ban for this event only. I do have a dress in my closet that is a possibility. However, it has been almost 3 years since I was able to get into it. Here is a pic. I was feeling pretty damn hot in this dress and would love to get back into it. I think I was about 210 in this photo. The dress was a 16 misses and TIGHT.

My aunt Sandy, me and my mom.

7. I have been trying my best to make good food choices. I think of how much I am allowed to have and do my best to get the most nutritional value out of my meal. I find I have the hardest time when I am out running errands. I used to always stop by a drive thru and grab a few things off the value menu. Now I drive by...... slowly. I am proud of my self for resisting that temptation. Let's hope I can keep it up.

8. I really really need to clean out my closet. I never properly put away my winter clothes and everything seems to be in piles. I hope to be able to devote some time to getting this in order.

9. I want some wine. Now.

10. Can't stop thinking about wine.

***** Editted to add *****

11. My first fill is on July 3rd. That seems really really far away.  

Do you smell that?

Do you?
It is brimstone. I think Bandster Hell is trying to rear its ugly head..... sigh.

I have my follow up appointment tomorrow and he will let me know if I can proceed onto mushies. I definitely need something more substantial.

In other news I am down 4lbs. Making that a total of 14! I have not seen 224 in quite a while. I can't wait to reach the 2-teens.

Have a good night all
Xoxoxoxo

Ten Things Thursday

YAY!!!!!! It's Thursday :o) Y'all know how I love me some 10 things Thursday. Thank you Laura Belle.

1. Have you seen that Betty White show, 0ff Their R0ckers? It is absolutely hilarious. I watched it for the first time last night and couldn't believe that I have been missing this televised slice of happiness. It is a prank show where all the pranks are performed by senior citizens. Please people, if you need a laugh, tune in!

2. I am still on liquids and still working on getting in all of my protien. I had my surgery last Monday and yesterday I finally had a BM. I know it is gross, but let me tell you, it was EPIC. Talk about relief :o)

3. Speaking of TMI, I was doing one of my wifely duties *wink*wink* and got to wondering if hairs could cause a PB. I know that this is a sensitive subject, but it was hard to concentrate on business when all I was thinking about  was whether or not it would scar my husband if I PBd at a moment such as this. I think I will ask him to trim.

4. Now back to some family friendly topics :o) I have missed cooking. My husband (who never ever cooks) has been preparing the meals for himself and Charli since my surgery. It has me feeling almost useless. Yesterday I told him that I wanted to cook dinner and I made a tasty looking dish of Pan-Seared Tilapia with Chili Lime Butter, Bacon Wrapped Asparagus (used 2 slices of bacon cut in thirds and wrapped every third spear) and rice. My how I have missed it. As good as it looked, I was not tempted to cheat on my liquids only phase. I was satisfied with my butternut squash soup.

When I shared this with a friend of mine, she acted like I was going down a slippery slope of band failure. I was very offended. I just missed cooking for my family, geez! Can you guys understand where I am coming from, or am I truly setting myself up?

5. I am noticing that things are starting to fit better. Not enough to say I am in a smaller size or anything, but enough not to have to discreetly unbutton my pants to make it through the day :o)

6. I am anxious to be cleared for some exercise. I like walking, but I want to get my sweat on.

7. I am afraid of Bandster Hell. I am hoping I don't have it. I have been feeling satisfied and I never feel hungry. If anything I get thirsty so I have been working on getting in water so I dont shrivel up like a raisin.

8. My sister told me she had a family of possums living under her sink. What the Hell!?!?!? I don't know long they have been there or if they are paying rent, but I won't be visiting anytime soon. What is the difference between a possum and an opossum?
                                                      

9. That picture scares me

10. TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New blogger alert!!!!

Hello, this is unprecedented for me.....two blogs in one day!!!!!! I am back because I need you all to show Jordan K some love. She is a new blogger, banded last October and needs our support to help her reach her goals.

Thanks!

Bandsters to the rescue!!!!

Happy Monday everybody!!!!!
Thank you all for coming to the rescue last week as I struggled to adjust to this new lifestyle. I really appreciate it. You guys are the bestest.

I am back at work and feeling kinda good. Sitting in my chair is uncomfortable, but tolerable and I am getting in 50g of protein thanks to mdlapband's excellent suggestion of adding a scoop of powder to my ready made drink. I also handed in my notice. It felt relay really good :o)

What is not so good is my hair. This humidity made it IMPOSSIBLE to style my hair today. This is what I came to work looking like, and yes, I do have Eddie's eddie.


I will try to fix it before group tonight so I don't scare Cat and Robyn. I am not promising this ladies. I can only do so much :o)

I am looking forward to my bean gravy lunch. I know it does not sound appetizing, but Andrea suggested it and it is divine.

Have any of you found yourself clenching your teeth soon in your liquids phase. I don't know why I keep doing this and it is make my jaw sore.

I went to a cookout yesterday. One of my husband's friends invited us for Mother's day. There was so much food and it ALL looked amazing. I will not tempt you with the menu, but let me tell you that I held onto my protein shake for dear life as everyone around me stuffed their faces. I wasn't even hungry, but I do you remember the Super B0wl D0rit0s commercial where the guy licked the other guy's fingers? I was almost not above that. I begged hubs to take us home after 2 hours of enduring.

Oh, I almost forgot to add that I am down 10 pounds!!! It is very unreal. I can't see it, but I'll take it.

The Good the Bad and the Ugly

I need a hug.....probably a couple of them. Maybe we could just cuddle in one big soft pile. FYI, I am not a touchy feely person, so when I say I need a hug, I REALLY need a hug. Aunt Flo came today, the gas ninja karate chopped me in the neck and I am struggling to be a good Bandster.

The GOOD
I got the job!!!!!!! They called to make an offer today and I will be putting in my notice on Monday. I hate giving resignations. I know it is not supposed to be personal, but it makes me feel like I am jumping ship. Oh well, I gotta shake that off cuz I earned this baby!

The BAD
I am still having a serious issue getting in my protein and liquids. I might get down 30 grams and 32 oz per day. That is pretty bad. I hate protein shakes and I have been trying to have a variety, but Geez Louise it is hard to get it all in. I mentioned before that I enjoyed my Atkins shakes, but 15 grams ain't doing it for me when it takes 2 hours to drink (Note to self; try 2 Atkins shakes tomorrow.) As far as liquids in general go I can't tolerate much. I keep getting a stitch in my side. It slows down my daily intake drastically. I have only been getting in about 350 calories a day.
I very much prefer the hot and savory broths versus the sweetness of the shakes. I have been experimenting with with broths and unflavored protein to find something palatable. Adding too much protein powder to the Lipton Cream of Chicken packet makes it almost pasty. I love the soup packet, but I need to be able add more that 1/2 scoop of protein (6.5g) so that I can meet my target.
I went a different route tonight and used 1 Knorr  chicken cube, 1 scoop of protein (13g), hot sauce, pepper and 1 cup of water and I like the results. I only had a tablespoon or two because I was already stuffed, but I put it up for tomorrow. I might even be able to sneak a little more protein in it. My unflavored protein powder has 120 cals, 0 carbs and 26g of protein in 2 scoops.

Writing this out is already making me feel so much better..... thanks guys. I am going to work on a meal plan for tomorrow.

The UGLY
Remember in my banded post that I said I could remove my bandages in 3-4 days? Well, the nurse told me that when we were going over my discharge orders. I distinctly remember her saying that and looking forward to seeing what was underneath (even though they are clear.) I tried to remove one of the bandages today. It was the one on the right that always itches around the edge. I began removing it before I got in the shower today, but it hurt so I finished getting it off in the shower.
Underneath was a very tiny incision and there was irritation around the edges of where the bandage was placed.  I decided to wait on the other ones because I didn't like the pain of removal.

Later today I was going through my surgeon's Band book and pulled out his orders which said DO NOT REMOVE BANDAGES UNTIL FOLLOW UP APPOINTMENT. Oops.

However, my non medical degree having, hypochondriac, mad-cow diagnosing self now believes that this particular bandage needed to be removed to to the rash that developed around the edges and the incision looks to have scabbed over nicely. So there :o/


The other incisions did not have a rash at the bandage edge. Please excuse the gut.

Ten Things Thursday

Happy Thursday all!!! It has been a few weeks since I participated in TTT and I am excited to do so today.

1. I just came back from a wonderful walk with my mother. It is beautiful outside and even though I still feel like a little old lady, I was able to get a few blocks in.
2. I go back to work tomorrow. I am a little nervous about it, but I think I will be ok. I pretty much sit at my desk all day and I don't expect it to be more than I can handle.
3. I am still not hungry. It is an odd feeling not to want to eat. My unflavored protein powder is gross but I do like the Atkins shakes. I don't know how long my indifference to food will last, but I am afraid that Bandster Hell will arrive with a vengeance.
4. My baby girl is having a hard time with me not picking her up. She still goes to my Aunt's during the day while I am recovering, but she wants to cuddle when she comes home. I have been trying to get her to use the step stool to get up on the couch so that I can get some sweet baby lovin', but she would rather turn it upside down and drag around her toys in it.
5. Haven't heard anything on the job front yet.
6. My husband started a diet the day I was banded. He has gained about 30 pounds since the beginning of the year Most of that was in pop tarts and it was beginning to be an issue in fitting in his uniform. He is doing great and has been waking up early to get his p9ox in. I am very proud of him.
7. I need to get a new battery for my laptop. I cannot use it without the powercord.
8. I have gotten on the scale a few times, but I am not stressing over it... at least not yet. I was 238 on surgery day and the scale said 234 today. I do not have any expectations of major weight loss anytime soon, but I was happy to see a lower number. Lord, please don't let me lose my sanity over the scale!
9. My mom has been watching food reality show marathons everyday that she has been here this week. She does not have cable and she is taking care of me, so I will not complain.
10. I am at a loss for #10. I think I will be taking a little catnap.

Take Care!

Banded

I made it to the other side! Thank you for all the well wishes :o)

I wanted to blog yesterday before I went in, but a poop explosion caused a delay. The explosion was not mine.... my daughter gets the credit for that nasty tidbit of information.

I did manage to have my husband take before pics and measurements though. Man, I really hate these pictures. Why is it so hard to align pictures on Blogger? Grrrrr!

                                    

The surgery was ROUGH!!!!! I went in around 2:00 yesterday, but I do not remember making it to the OR. The last thing I remember is the anethesiologist telling me he was going to give me something to relax before he took me back. I was out in 3.92 seconds. That was some good stuff!

The surgery took a lot longer than normal. I woke up in recovery around 6:00. My surgeon said that they repaired a "massive" hietal hernia. He showed the pics to my husband, but I have yet to see them. He must have been impressed because he told me this morning that he was carrying them around in his car and would show them to me at the follow-up visit. Due to the hernia, I am required to be on full liquids for an extra week so that my stomach can properly heal from being "pulled out of my chest and banded" (his words.) So, that is 3 days of clear liquids, 17 days of full liquids and 14 days of mushies.

I am having a hard time getting in my liquids. I just don't want anything. I set a timer to remind myself to sip, sip, sip,but I would rather sleep, sleep, sleep. I took a shower before I left the hospital today at noon that was divine and have clear bandages over my incisions that I can remove in 3-4 days. They prescribed vicodin pills for pain and I have been able to get them down easily after breaking them in half. I do not know the size of my band yet. Cannot believe that I forgot to ask!!!!

Anyway, I cannot think of anything else to write about.

Take Care!



Prepped and Not Quite Ready (TTT)

Good morning folks!!!

Did you know that it is Wednesday Thursday and I only have a few more days left until my surgery on Monday? I.AM.FREAKING.OUT!

I had my blood work, EKG, and pregnancy test done on Tuesday. The nurse who checked me in had her Band put in 2 years ago. I told her that I was very worried about being stuck in public. She said not to stress about it because it is going to happen. She then told me that she has her boyfriend punch her in the chest when she gets stuck....... I am still not sure if she was serious or not. Regardless of that strange tidbit of information, she was very nice and went on and on about how nice the surgeons were. Then she told me how she had gotten stuck on chewing gum and needed medical attention. Eeek!

I keep looking at measuring cups and thinking, who the freak eats only 1/2 cup of food at a time? Regardless, I am committed to making this work for me. Please send me all your good juju. 

I yelled at my husband last night for eating all the pierogies. Then I thought that I will not have to worry about getting enough pierogies anymore.

I keep standing in front of my closet looking at the stack of jeans that have always been to tight to wear or the dresses and skirts that are hoochie mama tight. One day my pretties, one day :o)

I have been making a massive list of what I need to get. I have NOTHING prepared..... No broth, no protein powders, no GasX, no NOTHING!

I have been hovering between 235-240. I think that my goal weight is 175, but the moment I see 199.9 on the scale I might do a vlog in a bikini :o) [maybe, I have to see what 199.9 looks like on me first]

I have been thinking about a name for my band. I have been considering naming her Naomi (my inner skinny bitch), but I will hold off until I get it.

I am excited about my time off. I know that I will be recovering, but I will still be off :o)

I made a tuna and cannelini bean salad today that is SLAMMING!


Well that all I have. Take Care xoxoxoxo

Happy Monday everyone! I hope that you all had a great weekend :o)

Also, thank you for all the well wishes on my interview. IT WENT GREAT!!!! I really felt like I knew my stuff, it was almost effortless. I hope that I get it. I even recieved a very promising response from  one of my thank you emails.

I cannot believe that this is my last week before becoming a Bandster. Monday, May 7th, I will be going under the knife. I am so scurrred. I feel like I have been waiting, and waiting and waiting forever. Now that it is almost here I feel like I cannot think straight. I have been pouring over a lot of your blogs to get more infomation on how the first week or so went. Thank you for your close attention to detail, recommendations and pictures.

I plan to have hubs take some measurements and before pics sometime this week. I know that I am going to be very grateful to have this blog to look back on in the future. Especially when going through rough patches in reaching my weightloss goals.

Big Cheesy Grin

I am having a good day. I am attributing it to my good luck hair do :o) Muchas Gracias Aunt K.

I am down 6 pounds since last month, my BP is in the normal range and my surgery date is Monday, MAY 7^th!!!!!!! I did not expect it to be so soon, but the next available was Friday on the 11^th.That date is too close to Mother’s day for me. I don’t want to be laid up, lol!

Now I just have to wait until my interview at 3:30 today…. Iam feeling pretty good :o)

Please pray for me and feel free to do the happy dance aswell.

You'd hire me right? Check out my nice new BP!

                

WTF Wednesday

Hello All... It is a good day in Reggie world :o) except for the few WTFs that I'd like to share of course. Please Enjoy


WTF #1
I thought I was looking pretty cute today in my ankle pants and suede red heels. I was getting plenty of compliments on said heels. They are not new, but I probably have not worn them for 6 weeks or so. When I looked down at my feet to admire myself, WTF did I see? The inner lining of my (not cheap) heels coming up.

I took them off and looked inside to find that they were being split apart from the inside out. Again, WTF!?!? Apparently some elephant foot huzzy has been hoofing it around in my pretties. The huzzy was me :o(  Has this happened to any of you? I do have wide feet, but Geez Louise!

 

WTF #2
I am getting my hair done tonight. My Aunt is my stylist and has been for years. She is not the most convenient due to the fact that she lives 20 miles away (I drive past dozens of suitable salons on my way to her place), but I like the way that she does my hair and I appreciate depend on the family discount. I sent her an email today advising I wanted to look like Shaunie O' Neal. Please see the response.

ME : I hope that you don’t have many clients tonight because Iam bringing wine….. a lot of wine :o)

PS – I want to look like ShaunieOneal.

Her : Bring the wine. Themore you drink the more you will look like herJ  It is only a comb, not a wand!

 Hardy har har har..... not. I sure do hope she is in a good mood when I get there. My head depends on it.

WTF #3

Did you know it was Administrative Professionals day? My office, which never ever celebrates anything brought in a bunch of pastries today.... WTF!

 

If you read my last post, you know that I have been a bad girl. Today, I was STRONG! I refused to partake. Want to know something else, I tracked all my food in MFP yesterday and was under my calories AND I walked on my breaks and lunch.

WTF #4

I have a coworker who drives me crazy. She is very nice, but she is always bringing in crazy, old, stale, strange food for me. I am not just being picky either and I do appreciate her generosity however, I am afraid to eat much of it. She'll tell me that she was cleaning out her fridge and made some crazy looking stew and bring it in.... It was eyebrow raising. Or she'll bring me in a 1/2 loaf of bread that she got from the food bank and didn't finish.... WTF? I have no problem with food banks, they provided my meals many a time in my poverty stricken childhood, but I don't want it!!!!!! I politely decline and decline again. When she isn't around I hide the food in my trash can. Now when she comes to my desk she peers into my trashcan....WTF!

Thanks for listening :o)

Rock Paper Scissors

Hey everybody..... I have missed blogging so much. I have been trying to post here and there, but my job has had me too busy to post anything. I can't believe they expect me to work, just kidding, kinda.

Anywho, I accidentally chopped off my fingertip yesterday while making cucumber salad. Please always remember to use the guard when using your mandoline, or you could lose a peice of your finger. I'd show you a picture, but it is NASTY. It really is just a tiny chunk, but the pain makes me feel like I am missing the ENTIRE finger.
This brings me to my post title. My husband and I like to play rock paper scissors whenever our daughter makes a stinky in her diaper. We believe that is the fairest way to decide who gets the prize. Because of my injury, all I have to do now I point at my stub and pout. I wonder how long I will be able to milk this :o) I would however, choose stinky diapers over having a tip less finger, just so you know.

I had my EGD last week. My doctor was running late, very late :o( The nurses told those of us waiting that we could come back tomorrow, but I had already taken the time off of work so I chose to stay. You know how they say not to eat after midnight? Well my procedure was scheduled for 1:00 in the afternoon so I knew that I would be starving, but I didn't go in until almost 7:00! I told my nurse that I was shrinking away and to recheck my weight because I was sure I was down 20 pounds. I think she appreciated my humor as she and the others were dealing with some serious biatches. I don't understand why people take things out on those who have no control over the situation. When my doctor finally got to me he stroked my cheek and said, "I am so sorry to keep you waiting." He is already fine, and now he is touching me in a non-medical fashion..... I can't wait until he does my banding just so he can touch me again, lol!
I think everything went well, I woke up very very chatty. Looking back, it was probably pretty weird. I told the anesthesiologist thank you for not making me feel like it was a lethal injection. I have my final appointment this Thursday and we will also be scheduling surgery. FINALLY and Hallelujah!

Guess What?!?!?!?!?! Remember the job I applied for? Well I was feeling very discouraged because I had not heard anything and I was told that I would hear something the next week. Well today, 3 weeks later I get a call about a second interview (I am popping and locking just thinking about it). I asked my friend on the inside, who is also on the panel for my second interview that they have narrowed it down to three candidates. I am feeling pretty good about my chances.

Finally, I must admit that I have not been good to myself. I have been sabotaging my efforts at a healthy lifestyle. I am afraid to even think about it, but I think deep down I am trying to see how big I can get before I go under the knife. How sick is that? I remember Cat telling me back when I started my blog that it is Last Supper syndrome. Whatever it is, it is a monkey on my back. I used to always be able to say that I had had at least one healthy meal per day, but I can't remember the last time that has happened. It has been quite a while since I have been active too. I do understand the struggle and  know that the Band won't be a magic fix, but I really need to get it together.

Well, that's all folks.  

10 Things Thursday

I know I have mentioned this before, but I really love TTT. Thank you LauraBelle.

1. What is the deal with panties? When I got out the shower this morning I asked my husband to pass me a pair because he was blocking my way to my dresser. I had to say "not those" to probably 5 pairs before I finally settled on what I thought was an acceptable pair. Holy donkeyballs (1st time user of this phrase, works nicely), am I paying for it right now! I feel like my circulation is being cut off at the right leg opening. I keep trying to adjust, but I may end up having to go commando. I DO NOT do commando. I need to keep all this azz contained. My cheeks are named Rudi and Trudi (my hubs came up with that) and are not allowed out to 'play' except in highly supervised situations. Man, I can't wait to get home to fix this.
2. I was starving at work today. I had a cheesestick in the work fridge and it has apparently grown legs. I decided to go to the vending machine and the bastard machine wouldn't take my bills. Al I had were pennies in my coin cup. I almost cried (pathetic right?).
3. I am going to Erie to visit the in laws this weekend. The visits are always bittersweet. For the most part his family is great, but I feel like I am ALWAYS cooking and cleaning. AM I the only one who feels like they must constantly cook/clean when visiting the in laws? I do not mind helping out and do not want my visits to be a burden, but GEEZ Louise can I get a break too? My hubs gets to lay around the whole time.
4. I really want to make an Easter basket for my daughter, but I am afraid it is a bad idea snack wise.
5. My sister repaid my contribution to her bail. You have no idea how happy I am for that. Not just because I was broke, but because I didn't have to hear I told you so from the hubs.
6. I feel like I have been hating on my hubs, so I need to dedicate #6 to how wonderful he is to me. Even if he does get on my nerves almost all the time. Smooches. This is a picture of him taken for a 9/11 10 year anniversary story our local paper did.                     
7. I miss shopping for clothes so badly. I saw so many cute things at Macy's when I had to buy my interview suit. One day my pretties, one day.
8. My other sister is pregnant with her 5th child. She is 29 with no job, and I don't know what to say to her. I really don't know what to say. I am sad for her and her children. I was sad for them before this.
9. I get out of work early tomorrow, YAY!!!!!! 5 hour drive to Erie, BOO!!!!!!
10. Can't take it anymore. I am taking my scissors to the bathroom to do a little altering.

Take Care!!!!!!!!

Random Happenings

I am going to be posting bullet style today folks. I have a lot of random things to say so get comfy.

• I had my interview today....I think that it went well. It was with my old boss and it was nice to be back. I really want this job.
• I had to buy a new suit for this interview. I waited until last night to find one. I don't know why I torture myself so. I have been trying my damnest not to shop until I lose some significant weight, but when I tried on what I had at home I felt like the incredible hulk.

• My Aunt put a freakin' weave in my 16 month old daughter's hair!!!!!!! Yes... you read that right, a WEAVE! She looked like a ghetto toddler$ and tiara$. My husband had picked her up and didn't even notice. I, of course noticed immediately. I called my Aunt and she thought it was funny. I made her take it out today and promise to never ever do it again. She apologized and I knew that she meant no harm, but come on, really? My Aunt has a thing with wigs and weaves. She has overcome two bouts of cancer and now considers herself a wigologist (is this a real word?)  She does a little hair on the side, but my daughter is not to be a client.

• I jumped the gun....I am not getting banded on the 26th, sigh. That is the date of my final nutrition appointment. Talk about a let down. I hope that is scheduled VERY soon after that appointment. I can't take the suspense. I want to be a Bandster now!!!!

• I went to visit my mother Sunday, it was nice but also exhausting. Mom had  a 4 hour leave, and she was required to go back to the center immediately after lunch for insulin (20 minute drive back and forth.) She also had a stack of 17 prescriptions that needed filled. Apparently it was for the out-patient program she will be doing at some-point. I still don’t know how that is supposed to work since she is not local. Lunch was difficult because she didn't want to eat. Her therapist called me before I came with a list of rules. I was supposed to take her out to lunch at a predetermined spot and where she would order something she had already decided on and I am to order something similar. We were both to finish our meals and she was not to go to the bathroom alone.  We tried to follow the rules, but I was not going to be the one forcing food down my mother's gullet in the middle of the restaurant. I told her that I wasn't going to lie and say she ate her meal. She was fine with that. I put the truth in my little end of visit report.  It was hard saying goodbye, but I know that she is where she needs to be right now.
• I had to have a family therapy session with her over the phone today right before my interview. It did not do much to calm my nerves.

That's all I have for now. Take Care xoxoxoxo

Ten Things Thursday

I love Ten Things Thursday, however, this is only my second time actually participating. Here it goes.........

1. I am so so excited about finally getting my band. I am currently wieghing in at 240 (give or take a few pounds. I have been hiding from the scale. I have a weight loss goal of getting down to 175 and reevaluating from there. I can't remember the last time I have been below 200 pounds.
2. My husband's 20 year high school reunion is at the end of June in Erie, PA. I plan to look smoking hot!!!!!! I wonder how much I can lose by then if I put my mind to it? Please plan on helping me decide on an almost indecent dress to wear to this occasion in the not too distant future.
3. My sister's out.....nuff said.
4. I am going to visit my mom at her treatment center on Sunday.
5. My husband and I are silent arguing. I really really hate that. He gets all moody and refuses to say why. I am sure it has to do with helping out my sister. I know I am going to have to do something naughty to make it up to him.
6. I have an interview at my old job (the one that laid me off) next week. I am not really sure if I want to go back I really miss the free parking and onsite gym, but I am going to give it my best at the interview and see what happens. I am hoping to come back with my same salary (my sources say this is likely) and if so, I will be able to enroll my daughter in the awesome day care there. Can you tell that there is a lot on the line with this? I am trying to be cool about it though.
7. I have been cutting down my carbs. I am still a long way from cutting them out, but I have been feeling nauseous lately and low-carb eating seems to be the only thing working to make me feel better.
8. My surgeon does not require a pre-op diet. I am looking for suggestions on making up my own. I have a great fear of them attempting surgery and me waking up in recovery unbanded because my liver was ginormous.
9. If you are following my blog and I am not following yours, please leave your blog address in the comments so I can hit you up :o)
10. It's almost my lunch time and I cannot wait to tear into my shish kabobs and salad.

Have a happy Thursday!!!!!

Awww Shucks!

Y'all are the bestest!
Thank you so much for all of your support from my last post. I appreciate it very very much.

                                                        

I spoke with my mom last night. She is doing OK. She told me that there was a 9 year old little girl in the treatment center with her. I cannot fathom what that little girl must be going through. I hate to hear about children suffering. I am not sure how common eating disorders are in young children, but I know that my mother's case is not the norm. This is her 3rd treatment center in 1 1/2 years and she is by far, always the oldest at 53.  What baffles me is how well people who suffer from eating disorders are able to hide it, especially if you are not a walking skeleton.

My mother has been suffering from bulemia and anorexia on and off for over 20 years. However, the last 2 years have been the worst. She is a diabetic and also has COPD. When she doesn't eat she is unable to effectively control her sugar and this leads to her passing out. This was happening very often about two years ago. She was severely depressed and my sisters were treating her like crap. At that time her struggle was very evident. This time however, I feel like it crept up on me. I thought all was well, but it wasn't. My mom doesn't look starved and I thought she was taking care of herself. It is hard for me to comprehend why this keeps being an issue for her, but I will continue to stand by her.

When she told me last week that she needed help, I immediately felt as if she had let me down. I didn't tell her this, and I later beat myself up about being so selfish. Now I am thankful that she told me before something happened while she was alone with my daughter. I don't know when she will be coming home, but I am going to visit her this weekend. I hate that she can suffer alone and no one is the wiser. I hope she gets better. Please keep her in your thoughs and prayers.

In other news, I came to work with my shirt inside out today. The crazy thing is, when I checked myself out in the mirror this morning, I thought I looked pretty cute, hahaha.

Take care!

I Have A Date!!!!!

...... For my surgery!!!!

I am so excited :o) I have not blogged in a little while because things have been very bad lately and I did not want to keep writing depressing blogs.
I got a call from the WL Clinic this morning advising that my insurance company finally approved me for surgery and my date is April 26th! I will also have to have an EGD on April 18th. I am so excited that I have butterflies, lol!

Now that I have shared my good news, I will also share a little of what is going on in Reggie Land. My mother who takes care of my 16 month old daughter during the day told me last Tuesday that she and her therapist felt that she needed to go back into treatment for her eating disorder. I was caught completely off guard. We shared meals all the time. She said that that was the only time she would eat all day and that she didn't want to put my daughter in danger because of her problems. I asked when she would be going and she thought it would be in a week or so. It ended up being TWO days later! My husband took off Thursday and I took off Friday to be home with her until we found suitable childcare. My mom was pretty upset and felt that she had let us down, but I told her that she needed to get herself together because Charli would be missing her. She even recommended a my sister's friend to take care of my daughter until she got better, but that was not an option. My sister's and their friends are......UNSAVORY to put it nicely.

Speaking of my sisters, the middle one called me at 2:30 Sunday morning to tell me that she had been arrested and needed bail money! If you knew my sister this would not come as a surprise at all. While I would normally have no problem leaving her there, she is a single mom with two kids and also has custody of my other sister's daughter, so I spent all day yesterday and some of today trying to scrounge up some bail money. My husband is SO MAD about the whole situation right now. I can't even blame him :o( We have not said anything to my mother. The last thing she need to hear while she is in rehab is that her daughter is in jail. OK, I am done talking about my sister. My butterflies are turning to lead bricks.

My Aunt has agreed to watch my daughter Monday-Thursday. She loves her and my mom would take her over often during the day. I hope that it works out until I am able to afford daycare. I can't believe that we are in this situation. I feel like I did everything I was supposed to. I planned my pregnancy and was on a wait list for a great daycare. Then I got laid-off and now my and the hub's income is dramatically less and we are unable to afford the crazy daycare prices. I will keep on keeping on until things turn around.



Thanks for listening

BYOC

Thank you all for the comments on my last post. You are the greatest [hugs].

This is my first attempt at a BYOC. Thank you Draz! I will work on adding your button next time ;o)

1.       How do you feel about college? If you have kids or siblings - will you encourage or require them to go? How long did you go and what for?

I am the first in my family to ever finish college. One year after getting my Master’s I was laid off. I would like my daughter to go to college, but if she doesn’t, I will try to be OK with that. My undergraduate was in Human Development, but I ended up working in the finance industry. My Master’s is in Business Ethics. I am going back for a certificate in Computer Information Systems this summer. I don’t think I would be going back had it not been for the economic downturn, but my mish-mash of degrees doesn’t really link up with my professional experience, so I am trying to make myself more marketable. My career plan after getting my Master’s was doing something in organizational development, but when the crap hit the fan, professional and organizational development was the first things businesses cut to save money.

2. Pink or purple? Coke or Pepsi? Pen or pencil? Cursive or printing? Ketchup or mustard?

Pink & purple
Pepsi I guess, but nothing is better than water.
Pens of all colors please
Cursive and printing – Like Draz, I mix it up. Even in the same sentence
Ketchup

3. If you could live in any generation - which one would it be?

Right now! I need and want all of today’s advances and comforts. I like the fashions of the past, but I would not choose to go back to a time when I had to worry about the color of my skin. The 80’s or 90’s would be cool, but I still prefer the here and now.
4. What do you sleep in?

I usually sleep in a tank top and underwear.

5. Repeat question - summarize your week!

My week started of pretty crappy, but it improved. I am so excited for the weekend. PLEASE let us keep this awesome weather.

I've got the blues

I am trying really hard not to have a bad week. The weather is gorgeous and I should be enjoying every moment of it. Instead, I am moping. I have been arguing with my husband, worried about my bad doctor appointment, and stressed about finances. I really need a vacation or something.
I saw my PCP on Monday to renew my blood pressure prescription. I had been out for a while, but my levels were normal for months (checked monthly for the Band).  I was floored to see it read 184/104. I knew that I wasn't feeling 'right' but I had no idea it was SO high. It scared me. I have been put on a new medication and have been making efforts to make heart healthy choices. I am only a couple of days into getting it together.  My husband was still giving me the silent treatment on Monday, so I did not tell him about it right away. He is a firefighter/EMT so he understands the seriousness of my HPB, but I didn't need the lecture at the moment. I did end up talking to him about it and it successfully ended the silent treatment, but we never talked about what had us mad at each other.
I told my PCP about my intent to get Banded and she was on board. With having a PPO plan I never even went to her to discuss it, I just went straight to the clinic for the consultation and started doing whatever was required. I am hoping that my HBP goes back down without the Band because who knows when that is going to happen. This waiting game really sucks. Monday 3/19 will make 6 weeks of waiting. I will be calling again on Monday for an update. I am sure they will tell me to keep waiting.

Before I forget, I wanted to say thank you for all the positivity and encouragement. It really makes my day.

Disappointed

I was so looking forward to the WLS support group meeting tonight. I went home threw some dinner together and made it to the hospital just in time for the 7:00 meeting. Only the meeting was at 6:00, grrrrr! The nutritionist was packing up her gear and everybody was leaving or had left. I was really in need of some bandster support tonight, and I wanted to meet Cat and see Robyn again. Oh well, I guess I have to wait until next month.

Make a List Monday

I am participating in my first Make a List Monday, courtesy of Robyn. This week’s edition of Make a List Monday will focus on things you are most grateful for.
                                                     

1.  Having a healthy daughter. I had a difficult labor (aren't they all) and my daughter suffered nerve damage to her shoulder while they were trying to pull her out. She was completely unable to move her left arm. I am very thankful that this healed after a few months and she has no sign of that disability.
2. My husband. We have been together for almost 9 years (married almost 4) and he is the best husband and father to our child I could have ever asked for. 
3. Having a job. I was laid off from my job of 6 years just one day before I had my daughter. I was able to stay home 10 months with her, but I suffered from some pretty bad PPD because I was embarrassed of my situation (a whole 'nother post.) My new job is not ideal and quite a pay cut, but I am thankful for it.
4. My husband having a job. The day we came home from the hospital my husband had received a lay off notice in the mail. He is a firefighter in the city we live in and we knew that it may be coming, but we were hoping that he would be safe. It was a horrible moment to have both of us facing unemployment with a newborn and no insurance. Thankfully, the decision to lay off the firefighters was overturned and he kept his job.
5. My mother. I have posted before about my mother having issues physically and mentally. She has come a very long way in the past year. She cares for my daughter during the day at our home and I was very nervous in the beginning. My husband would even make surprise visits just to make sure all was well. I am very thankful that my daughter is being cared for by someone who loves her. Also, my mother's health is to be improving drastically.
6. The struggle of those before me. I am thankful for the freedoms I have today. I never want to take for granted what I can do and have today that those before me had to fight for because of their race, sex, or religion.
7. My friends. While we don't always see eye to eye, I am glad that they have my back.
8. Medical advancements. Man I am so glad that someone came up with the Lap-Band. I can't wait to be banded and I am so glad that this is even an option for those struggling with weight.
9. Birth Control.  I really really like nookie and I don't want to worry about having a baby every time I get busy with my husband. I believe it should be covered by insurance and Rush can suck it!
10. Blogging. I am thankful to have a community to listen to my struggle without thinking I am so whiney and or ungrateful. I am not perfect,  and I have things I need to get off my chest. So, thank you all for listening.

Thank you for reading
xoxoxoxo

Itty Bitty Tittie Committee

All this talk about BOOBS makes me wonder about my own. Specifically how they will change. I've read a lot of posts regarding changes in this particular area and the changing of your body shape as you lose significant amounts of weight.
I am one of those big girls with little boobs. I wear one of the smallest sizes in LB.... 40B. I hate hate hate it. Not so much my boobs, but the way it makes my clothes fit. I can't wear alot of blouses that wrap or dresses that have boob areas because it always looks deflated. I recently gave a beautiful dress to a friend of mine that I had for a year because I couldn't fill out the top. I kept it thinking that my boobs would grow from breast feeding but they did not. She wore it recently and I was so jealous of the obscenity of her cleavage.....I wanted to rest my head on them. I am glad that she loved the dress, but man oh man I want some boobs too. My husband likes to tease me and say that some of my bras are false advertising. I will only wear the Plunge bras from LB, otherwise I look like 10 year old girl.
Now that I am done complaining, I want to know how your body type, shape has changed after the Band. Are you still an apple, pear, etc? I have very large hips and quite a bootie. Will I always have that? I enjoy the curve of my hips and my "ass-et" but I would like a smaller scale. I sometimes buy tall pants (I am only 5'6) because I like to believe that my hips and ass make my pants short (I probably just need a bigger size, gasp.)

Still Waiting

I called the WL Clinic today. I am 3 weeks into waiting for the 6-8 week insurance approval of the 6 month pre-op plan. They called me back very quickly to say.... keep waiting. I am SO SO impatient. I am excited for Chris' surgery coming up :o) You'd think it was me getting banded in a few days and not her, lol. 
That is pretty much it on the banded (not) front. I am finally starting to get rid of this horrible cough that I have had for the past two weeks. I feel so bad for my coworkers hearing me coughing in my little cubicle. I am tucked away in a corner so I am able to keep the germs to myself for the most part, but I know a few of them probably got the heebee geebees from listening to me.... I would have. I swear it is baby germs. I never got sick so often before motherhood. I was very lucky to be able to stay home with her for ten months before going to work. In all that time she had no colds, ear infections or anything. Then I start working again and almost immediately she gets somebody's cooties and gives them to her mommy.
I have started to tell more people about getting banded. 90% seem to be very supportive. There are a few sipping on the hater-ade, but they may just be genuinely concerned. One person in particular wanted me to promise her that I wouldnt do it and said that it was the easy way out. This person is very near my size and had lost 50 pounds about 5 years ago doing atkins. She looked great, gained it back and still looks great but has poor, poor,POOR eating habits. She will even go to a place like the Fire M0untain and stay there for 3 hours eating until she is stuffed... sit and talk and eat and until stuffed again before leaving. It made me embarassed to go out to eat with her. I am sorry for being so judgy. She mentioned me losing weight for my wedding and said that I should just do it (WW) again. I told her that I was so tired of the try try and try again approach. I need something that will help me stick with it. I hope that after I am banded she will appreciate the effort I plan to put into working the band and stop thinking of it so negatively.

Just some pics of my baby girl

I am doing my first post using my iPhone. It's only be pics of my daughter Charli because I think she is the cutest. Please enjoy all this sweet baby goodness 😍

Me and Charli (6 months) at the 4th of July fireworks on the Susquehanna river

Charli at 6 months

Charli at 12 months.... She will not give up that dang wub a nub.

Charli at 14 months

Charli at 9 months....This cute hat was given to us and her head got too big for it by the time it got cold out :o(

Charli at 13 months on Christmas day

Charli on Halloween (11 months)

Charli at the mall (12 months).... her momma was trying to get some free Christmas background shots done. She would not cooperate!

Charli at 9 months.... go Steelers.

1st time on a swing.... 8 months

Daddy holding up my fairy princess at 10 months

12 months

**** This post has been edited to resize pictures and add captions for less cumbersome viewing****

Can't Wait To Be...... Chub Rub Free

Thank you for your wonderful comments on my last post. It really helps to know that I am not alone in feeling this way and to be able to tell someone what I am going through without being embarassed. I agree with thinking that this has to be some sort of Last Supper syndrome. I am feeling a little better today and my pants are buttoned.

I've decided to make a list of what I want the Band to help me accomplish.

1. Get off of the BP medication
2. Be chub rub free
3. Wear a size in the single digits
4. Not have my butt cheeks bounce around like a sack of kittens when I walk
5. Not always feel like the biggest girl in the room
6. Be a hot wife
7. Be able to run at least 1 mile without feeling like I am about to die
8. Have my husband be able to pick me up
9. Get rid of my back fat
10. Wear a bathing suit with out feeling like I need to also cover up my arms and legs
11. Not have so many weight related aches and pains (my tailbone hurts from sitting on my ass so much)

I may have more to add to this list at some point, but this is it for now.

Happy Tuesday All! I am back after a long weekend of eating so much my back hurt :o(  I know, I know... it is shameful. I am not sure why I am acting so self-destructive. I am two weeks into waiting for my 6-8 week long approval process for my LapBand and all I want to do is eat and eat some more.
It is very unlike me. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE to eat, but I normally don't make such poor choices on the types of food (I've been swimming in a sea of flamin' hot cheetos.) I feel so uncomfortably tight in my clothes right now I cannot button my pants and there is a rubber band holding them together. I really need to shake myself out of this funk.
I met up with some friends for a very late Secret Santa swap and dinner this weekend. I felt like we were the hungry hungry hippos gathered for a reunion. I left feeling very guilty about our gluttonous habits. I don't want to be that or feel like that. Only one of the six of them know about my intentions to get banded and her support is suprisingly lacking considering she is my best friend. She told me that she would rather eat what she wanted than have loose skin....not me! The host of the dinner had gastric bypass maybe 4-5 years ago. He is not out about it, but he told one of our friends who told me. He has since relasped gained everything back. It scares me. My cousin also had gastric bypass out of high school (too young in my opinion) she was easily 350 before surgery and lost nearly 150 before she started to gain it all back. Now I know these are not bandsters, but I still find their trials with WLS bothersome. Why didn't it work for them? I don't want to fail. I held up my jeans last night while folding them. I was amazed at how big they are.
Being fat is cconstantly on my mind. I talked to my husband about it. We try to be very honest with each other about our well-being. I mentioned to him that we were both putting on weight and needed to cut out all the late night eating and stuff. He told me that he doesn't try as hard because I don't...... I was speechless and I wanted to cry, but he was right. I haven't been trying as hard as I could be. I don't want to wait for the Band to solve all of my problems. I've read your blogs, I know it is not a magic bullet and you have to work it. With that being said, I will put down this jar of Nutell@ and stop dipping these delicious honey wheat pretzels into its creamy chocolatey goodness.
Take Care!